Men Don't Listen and Wayne L. Misner 2018©
(By Wayne L. Misner www.MenDontListen.com, MenDontListen@aol.com)
Am I the only one who feels alone? I’m not really alone. There are people all around me, at home, the gym, shopping, at work, in and out of my life. Yet I feel alone. Years of the same routine of work, home, kids, weddings, parties………………
It’s as if everything is moving in slow motion. Sometimes I feel like I’m looking at life from the outside, as if I’m at a movie theater watching my life from the eyes of the audience. I sit in the seat and see the cast of characters. Some of the characters I know, some I should know or remember, but I just can’t place them. I don’t understand the movie, it doesn’t have a good plot, and it seems to jump around too much. Playing as a child, parents arguing, laughter, pain, more pain…..
Have I gone numb? Is this a dream or worse, a nightmare that I will awaken from?
I have simply drifted apart through inertia from those on earth. I’m living in somewhat separate worlds, from all the others. I’m no longer anyone’s priority; I have been rejected. No one finds me attractive or interesting and I know this will never change. I talk, but no one is interested in what I have to say. People smile at me, but keep on walking by. Why do they not stop and talk? I have so much inside to give love, wisdom, support, and listening while they vent…………….
Some might say that it is my frustration and disappointment because of things not working out over and over again. Others say we can only take so many disappointments before we start to feel that hole inside grow. It hurts deeply when you watch everyone else enjoying each other's company, but you're not included. I believe the greater our capacity to love, the greater our capacity to feel pain. One person told me, “You’re like the first slice of bread in the bag. Everyone touches you, but nobody really wants you”.
So, with this new knowledge I have learned to look within. What I have found is a best friend. Who is he you may ask? It is a little emotionally injured 5 year old boy who lives in my soul. I have to remember to take him by the hand, console him, give him hugs, and take him out to play once in awhile. Nurturing my inner child sometimes is not easy. My child is always hiding but can always be heard. This makes me apprehensive, troubled and frightened of never being loved. I need to be cared for and loved. I must be told you love me. That’s what I need as much as I would need the air to breath. Love me and protect me and help me feel better. Tell me and show me you love me often, not just when I’m down or the world is upside down. When I am happy, smile and laugh with me, as we do funny stuff. Let’s build a bucket list that we can do, that makes you smile and laugh out loud and I will celebrate with you. I will always be there when you are loving and imaginative. I promise you, if you are there for me and keep me safe and healthy I pledge to you more joy and love from me than you have ever known. Love, pleasure and amusement are who I am, and I am who you are. I’m depending on you. Gratifying the little boy within me has become a full time job with unbelievable amounts of fun.
So much fun that I now find others who seemed to wonder why is he happy, smiling, talking to everyone and maybe sometimes talking to himself as if there are two of him. There is…..me the grown man and his best friend, who happens to be a 5 year old boy I found one day sitting all alone and about to cry because he had no one.
So I end this story with these words. Some of us can be, “Alone Together”.
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